It’s been almost two months since the last time I posted. Sorry to keep everyone in suspense, but every time I even considered posting something, I couldn’t bring myself to type. Living with my Mom and all her ups and downs is not something I want to re-live, which is what happens when I post. Let’s see how much I can get through:
In October, Mom’s morning behaviors escalated. She had been screaming, crying, beating her fists on the wall – basically throwing tantrums. One morning I got up and found her wielding her bedside lamp like a broadsword. I yelled her name and she dropped it, I think stunned. I can’t imagine what would have happened to the aide had I not been home. She would calm down, only to get upset again when it came time to get on the van to her day program. She wouldn’t sit down. I’m not sure why, she has no trouble sitting in a chair or on the couch – but this she won’t do. It continued to escalate through the month until we finally got her an appointment with a geriatric psychiatrist.
Dad took her. The Ger.Psy. is great – she really speaks to Mom directly and knows what she’s doing. Nothing shocks her. She added a new medication for Mom and we waited to see what would happen. Then, almost two weeks ago, I got a call from the Day Program to come and get Mom. When I got there, it was like a war zone – she had destroyed the place. There was furniture up-ended. She picked up a computer monitor and threw it across the room. She broke a printer. She was completely out of it, laying on a couch, surrounded by five staffers. I was embarrassed and concerned and angry and exhausted. So I took Mom home and we contacted the Ger.Psy. to figure out what to do next. We watched her for the weekend and then took her in on Monday. Her meds were adjusted again and Dad and I remained home with her for the next two weeks, watching to see if the aggression subsided.
It didn’t.
About five days ago Dad took Mom to the local hospital (the one the Geriatric Psych is associated with) to have some tests done and then Mom was admitted to the geriatric wing of a psychiatric hospital so her medications could be constantly monitored. It was not an easy decision, nor was it one that we took lightly. But to take off from work to stay home with Mom was not the answer. We could only tell her doctors what we were experiencing, what we were seeing. We are not trained professionals who understand the different medications that are available or what we should be expecting as dosages increase and decrease. Being in the hospital is what is best for her at this moment. It is also not a long-term facility. Our goal is to get her meds at the right place so that she can come back home and either return to her day program or to stay home with an aide. Once she is released from the hospital, the insurance company will send a nurse to evaluate her needs and see about allotting her more hours with an aide.
It’s important, at this moment (and with it being the holidays) that my Dad and I have received such an overwhelming amount of support from our family and friends. They know we’re not putting Mom somewhere and forgetting about her. We have agonizingly considered all of our options and know this is what is best for everyone. Dad and I must keep living our lives – that is what Mom wants. Not what she would want – it is what she wants for both of us, in her heart of hearts. So onwards we go, doing the best that we can.
Just Try To Remember 